I don’t think goodbyes get easier with time. Not for me at least. I’ve spent six months with my sister over the last two years in four different countries and yet every time I say goodbye I find myself in the exact same place. Sad, scared, feeling like any minute now I could burst into tears and not sure how to go about my day. From the minute I couldn’t see her, I didn’t know what to do. The car ride felt empty, passing the mall made me realise we didn’t drive over the wooden bridge in the parking lot because she enjoys the sound it makes, the ‘G’ sign reminded me that we forgot to take that picture. There was so much more we had to do, so much more I had to tell her. I walked into her room knowing I wont be saying “hey bro” but I left the lights on so it feels like she’s still here. I like that she left a mess, it takes away from how empty it is. I looked around to see if she forgot anything. She “forgot” the sunglasses I got her for her birthday. She forgot her black ring that I put on immediately; she left her slippers behind that I’ve got to take for her.
The truth is my sister is my best friend. She says we shouldn’t say that, that she does not understand why siblings say “we’re so close, we’re like best friends” or how two close friends say “we’re so close, we’re like siblings”. I know what she means, but she is my sister and she is also my best friend and I’ve met people who aren’t fortunate enough to have what I have. I know in a perfect world siblings love each other and get on perfectly, but that does not happen always. I’ve met siblings who’ve gone long periods of time not speaking, siblings who’re trying to mend a relationship so broken that nothing seems to work, siblings who keep secrets from each other or don’t share their lives with each other. I’m not saying any of their relationships are beneath what we have. I’m just very lucky to have someone like her as my sister. She pushes me (sometimes quiet literally) to be a better person and now with her gone, I don’t know how I’m going to get better tomorrow. Will I follow the driving rules she drilled into me for the last two months? Will I put on that silly voice I do when I’m nervous even though I don’t like admitting it?
A goodbye may be easier when you’re ready to say goodbye to a person or when you know you’ll see them before you start missing them but even then, they’re bitter sweet. So I don’t think goodbyes get easier with time, I don’t think you ever get used to them.